“Four Walls and a Gift to the World”
by Rev. Alexandra McGee
for Thomas Jefferson Memorial Church Unitarian Universalist
for April 10, 2016
The theme of the month was Creation and the pledge drive was in process.





Two weeks ago, a memorial service was held at our church for a Paul Revell.  Paul was not a member of our congregation, but had been attending the Harrisonburg Fellowship, which does not contract with a clergy person, and has a meeting room that seats about 100 people.  Paul was not yet retirement age, and worked in Charlottesville at the Department of Forestry, where he had won the hearts of colleagues all over the state. Many people wanted to come together to honor Paul.  Our member, Frank Dukes, suggested that our church, which seats 200, would be large enough to hold the many people who would be coming from around the state to honor Paul.  As the family and guests arrived, so many of them gazed around and said, “Your church is beautiful.”  “Wow, what a great building.”  “Oh, I’ve never been here before.”  Perhaps the blooming trees and flowers helped, but no doubt, it is true, our facilities, built in the 1950s, updated in the 1990s, and renovated last year, made an impression on these people.
 
The same thing happened two weeks ago when we hosted the memorial for Virginia Barber.  Her husband, Ed, began attending worship here a few years ago, while Virginia, herself, on Sunday mornings would take rides in the countryside with a friend.  She was a well-known literary agent, and people from all over the east coast wanted to come and pay their respects.  The family chose our church for the memorial.  Again, the people who came from all over the country commented on how nice this church is.
 
Six years ago, the first time I officiated a memorial and people commented admiringly on the building, I said, “Thank you.”  This time, after seeing six years of seeing pledge drives, and many work parties, I said something different.  I said, “Yes, our members work hard to make this building nice.”  And, “Yes, our facilities committee worked hard for this upgrade.”  And, “I am impressed with how the members take care of this place.” 
 
Now, my friends, I am not just wanting you to know you provide a place for meaningful events for people you will never meet.  I want you to know something else, too.  They see the Black Lives Matter sign.  They see the banner supporting Marriage Equality.  They see the Transgender bathroom signs.  They see the words of Thomas Jefferson in the foyer, and the posters naming our struggle with the legacy of Thomas Jefferson as slaveowner.  They see our bulletin boards full of photos of groups events, people together, social gatherings, young and old together, community outreach.  The see other messages on our walls that communicate freedom of thought, open-mindedness, and love.  And I will tell you what---not one memorial service goes by when someone doesn’t come up to me at the reception and say, “I live in another town, but when I get home, I am going to look for a UU church there.  I am so excited to know something like this exists.  I need this.”  My friends---that is Good News!  That is evangelism.  That is spreading hope.  That is planting seeds. 
 
So, our theology is made concrete in these bricks and mortar.  By the fact of having four walls, something powerful is possible.  We have space here.  But something happens here that makes that space powerful.
 
I would like to read to you from a book published this year, called Constructive Feminism, written by a woman named Daphne Spain, a professor of Urban and Environmental Planning here at the University of Virginia.  She writes: “Space is an abstract concept lacking materiality or meaning.  Space becomes a place only when it is filled with people, cultural practices, objects, representations, and interpretations.  Place can be described as a space that is politicized, culturally relevant, and historically specific.  …  The meaning and value of places can vary over time and across cultures.”  (p. 14)
 
She goes on to look at how people who have worked against oppression have needed places to gather in order to form effective social justice movements and to bolster each other.  If you consider US history, we can see that houses of worship often provided safe haven for discussion and planning.  (these examples from pp.20-21)
 
Quakers were among the first whites to promote the abolition of slavery, and the architecture of their meeting houses lends itself to community gathering for discussion, and hence their spaces were used to organize and mobilize.
 
As a second example:  In 1840, Elizabeth Cady Stanton was prevented from speaking at the all-male World Anti-Slavery Convention in London.  Back in the United States, in 1848, she and others gathered in a Methodist chapel in Seneca Falls, New York to discuss the social, civil, and religious condition of women.
 
As a third example:  When the civil rights movement of the 1960’s needed places to gather, they found meeting spaces in churches.  
 
This building was built between 1950 and 1954.  Because we have concrete spaces, we have power.  To build a building is an act of creativity. The way we use it is a continued act of creativity.
 
At our church, space was used for decades for a cooperative preschool that welcomed white and black children together when local public schools were closed.  For decades, our space is used for meetings of Alcoholics Anonymous.  For the last few years, our space has welcomed the Vietnamese Student Association from UVA for its spring dinner and fundraiser.  On the first Friday of the month, our building is the site of a food bank.
 
What else could we welcome into these walls?
 
I recently met a man who grew up in this neighborhood and remembers before this church was built.  I know another man who grew up in this neighborhood and on his daily paper route as a boy would stop here to get a drink of water and use the bathroom.  So, if the neighborhood had a certain shape and tenor then, what are the needs and culture of the neighborhood now?  Who needs us?  I drive by the apartments that are within blocks of this church.  They house university students.  Do those young people need the good news and the welcome that is within our walls?  Do they need a positive place to gather on a Saturday night?  Those are my creative questions, and I challenge you to ask those same questions of yourself and each other.  In order for us to remain relevant and meaningful and live up to our values, we need to challenge ourselves to change the way we are using our space along with the changes in our town.
 
In Charlottesville, 14% of households speak a language other than English at home. 10% of households live under the poverty line. 
(from website of gov census for Charlottesville, accessed April 8, 2016:  https://www.census.gov/quickfacts/table/PST045214/51540)
 
In 1970, about 40 thousand people lived in Cville, and now about 46,000.  At that time, 85% were white, and now 60% are white. 
 
I apologize that I don’t have the statistics for the surrounding counties, where so many of you live.
 
We are at a new point in the history of our church buildings.  No longer is our church basement used as a preschool.  Now that renovations are complete, we have a Lower Hall which is ready for meetings and gatherings of many types.  No longer do we own a house across the street used for rental housing.  We have consolidated and updated.  The revenue which previously came from renting to the preschool and residents is no longer on the income line of our budget. 
So, what can be? 
We are primed for creative responses. 
We can choose who we want to invite in, who we want to be changed by.  For example, already, rentals have been scheduled this summer by groups that serve children.  We will hear happy singing and playing voices.  What other faces and voices can help us live out our vision and mission?  What rentals will make us proud?
 
Let us consider what role models we have in other churches.  In Tulsa, Oklahoma, the UU church has 2000 members.  Their vision statement declares:  “A climate of profound hospitality, love, and acceptance radiates from our campus and our members.”  Let me repeat that:  “A climate of profound hospitality, love, and acceptance radiates from our campus and our members.”  Did you hear that?  Radiates.  From the campus.  (quoted from church website)
 
Another model of creativity from a very different setting is this:  “The Collegiate Churches of New York City, have embarked on a joint project with a recognized developer in New York City. They plan to construct a mixed use facility of some sixty stories that will encompass both needed sacred space for their ministries and residential condominiums for the public at market prices.
 
Working with a developer enables the church to obtain first-rate connections in navigating the vast legal requirements of the city, while also securing advantageous financing for the project. What did the church bring to the relationship? Land. Valuable land that sits in proximity to Fifth Avenue and the Empire State Building. They will split the profits 50%-50%, and after all expenses, that will more than secure a healthy return for their church endowment.”  (quoted in Alban on-line newsletter, March 24, 2016)
 
But urban churches are not the only ones with creative land use.  Here is a story from an Episcopal church in a rural area of North Carolina.  They have a proposed project for a deteriorating old barn on the land to be taken apart, board by board. High school students can be brought on field trips to learn local history and construction processes. Weathered old boards could be offered to local artists. Beams and rafters could be salvaged for adaptive re-use, made into furniture or sold to local builders for use in new construction.  In its place, little cottages can be built that will help provide temporary housing for people who are in need, in collaboration with a local non-profit.  They are currently working out the details of these partnerships.
 
All of this creativity and collaboration has a name:  “entrepreneurial ministries.”  Now, when you hear that, you might have a reaction about the word “entrepreneurial.”  It carries different connotations for different people.  But, listen to this explanation from the Rev. Lisa Fischbeck:
 
“We live in a time of innovation and collaboration. People, institutions and organizations are coming together to create systems and businesses that improve our environment, our democratic processes, and the lives of the poor in our communities and in our world.
 
Much of this work comes under the umbrella of "social entrepreneurship". It includes a business plan that would allow for some profit, but not a lot; the motivations more for societal gain than for material gain.”  (from Alban on-line newsletter, March 17, 2016)
 
The key words I hope you heard there were:  “collaboration,” “plan” and “societal gain.”
 
These elements of collaboration and planning for societal gain are not only essential for sharing our physical plant, but for linking our power to other powerful movements --- organizations that are already working effectively for transgender rights, immigration education, women’s access to healthcare, and many other allies who need us, and that we need to learn how to show up for more effectively. 
 
And that is what I am challenging us to this morning.  In the life of our church, we are at a point where our buildings have undergone transformation.  In the cycle of our year, we are wrapping up our pledge drive.  In the coming months you will see the proposed budget prepared by your board and finance committee, and in our commitment to democratic process, members of the church will vote.  You are part of this creative, entrepreneurial ministry.  The bricks and mortar here are part of making a gift to the world.
 
To steward our resources means to look not just at money but at four walls. 
To steward our resources means not just what we can do for ourselves but how we can meet the needs of our community. 
To be good stewards in our community means not just to answer loud voices but to listen for the quiet and unheard voices.
 
Unitarian Universalism is not a hierarchy in which funds and decisions come down from above.  We are our own authority, in covenant with each other and other congregations, making decisions democratically.  We come from the heritage of the Pilgrims---building new communities, adventuring and serving in new ways as new needs arise. 
 
My friends, in closing --- whether you listen to this message today from the perspective of a long time member and donor, or whether you are a visitor passing through just once, what I hope you take away this morning: is: the awareness of the power you have in whatever space you inhabit, and how you steward that space and share it with others.  What are your most highly held values?  And how will you creatively live them out, within whatever walls you find yourself?
 
Blessed be, Amen.
This sermon, by Alex McGee for April 10, 2016, may be shared with proper attribution.

"Confess Repair Reconcile"
By Alex McGee
Oct 21, 2012 for Thomas Jefferson Memorial Church UU



This month we’ve been exploring the topic of confession. 
I asked Wendy to read those stories because they illustrate that after confession come other steps.
I titled the sermon Confess, Repair, Reconcile.
 
When I was 22, I worked for two years as a receptionist and bookkeeper for an agency which educates religious groups about preventing and responding to sexual violence.  The founding theologian, Marie Fortune, taught me
that confession alone is not enough
and forgiveness alone is not enough. 
For us to have meaningful on-going relationships, we must also have repair and reconciliation. 
These take work ….and they take time. 
She shares this story:  “A group of 25 incest offenders sat in a circle during their treatment.  They said, ‘Tell the clergy for us that they should not forgive so quickly.’  Each of them, upon arrest, had gone to their minister, been prayed over, ‘forgiven’, and sent home.  Each of them said it was the worst thing that could have been done for them.  That cheap grace had allowed them to continue to deny responsibility for the abuse of others.  It in no way facilitated their repentance or their treatment.”  (Source: Violence Against Women and Children: A Christian Theological Sourcebook, 1995. article by Marie Fortune, p. 453)
I share that story because it lifts up the importance of taking responsibility for harm done, and having a community that helps us take responsibility. 
 
One of our own Unitarian Universalist leaders, Paula Cole Jones, has named five steps in the reconciliation process.  I share them now for you: (Source: The Practice of Reconciliation: Steps you can take. By Paula Cole Jones UUWorld Magazine, March/April 2004) 
 
Encounter
Communicating with the person, shift from judging and defending to listening and sharing

Apology, Forgiveness
Empathizing with the other person

Personal Resolve
Moving from focus on the issue to focus on learning and growth

Mutual Resolve
Trust that the other has resolved and moved from focus on the issue to focus on learning and growth

Right Relations
Hold each other in esteem and are accountable for communication and new behavior

 
She wrote about these in the UU World magazine, where she also shared about her journey:  growing up Unitarian Universalist, ---becoming a management consultant, ---and then realizing that racism was dividing her congregation, ---and that she needed to develop skills for the group to continue together. 
She is a member of All Souls Church Unitarian in Washington DC, which now has a reputation for being on the cutting edge of healthy multi-racial ministries.  But, clearly, it has been a journey for each individual and the whole group. 
She writes:  “As a management consultant, I know a lot about helping people work through their differences, but until I embraced reconciliation as a spiritual practice, I didn't realize just how transformative reconciliation can be.”  (Source:  UU World Magazine, April/March 2004, Reconciliation as a Spiritual Practice.)
 
So, I’ve told you a three step model, a five step model, and now I’m going to share a seven-step model.  This one comes from Dr. Hizkias Assefa, who is a Professor in the Conflict Transformation Programme, at Eastern Mennonite University --- over in Harrisonburg.  But he works from his base in Nairobi as a mediator and facilitator in civil war situations in many parts of Africa.
 
 
Here are the seven steps that he has found necessary:
“ a) Honest acknowledgment of the harm/injury each party has inflicted on the other;
b) Sincere regrets and remorse for the injury done:
c) Readiness to apologize for one’s role in inflicting the injury;
d) Readiness of the conflicting parties to ‘let go’ of the anger and bitterness caused by the conflict and the injury;
e) Commitment by the offender not to repeat the injury;
f) Sincere effort to redress past grievances that caused the conflict and compensate the damage caused to the extent possible;
g) Entering into a new mutually enriching relationship.
I brought copies for visual learners.  (Source: The Meaning of Reconciliation by Hizkias Assefa. Published in People Building Peace- 35 Inspiring Stories from Around the World (1999)by European Centre for Conflict Prevention)
 
As you hear those seven steps, I want to point out that the first one, “honest acknowledgement of harm,” requires a pause. 
As a metaphor, I draw from a Zen Buddhist theologian, who writes:  “In the forward progress of everyday life, the ground beneath our feet always fall behind as move steadily ahead; we overlook it.  Taking a step back to shed light on what is underfoot of the self marks a conversion in life itself.  Hence the Zen phrase: ‘stepping back to come to the self.’” 
Is this not a spiritual act?
Does this not take spiritual time?
 ‘Stepping back to come to the self.’
 
(Source:  p. 4, Keiji Nishitani, in book Religion and Nothingness, University of California Press, 1982.)
 
And so I say, this is one reason that we need spiritual friends and mentors.
 So that we have people with whom to share this acknowledgement,
 as we ourselves sit with our own dismay at having caused harm. 
In two of the examples that Wendy read, the person cried as they confessed. 
In one of the examples, the priest cried while listening. 
We need people who listen compassionately as we unburden that we have done things that are not in line with who we believe ourselves to be.
It might be a formal conversation with a minister, or an informal conversation with a friend.
A Greek Orthodox priest wrote that he has discovered that when people come to confession, “he is witnessing people at their best---an ironic twist, on the surface of it---but not when you reflect on it: (he say,)  their hearts are softened, their souls humbled, their wills disposed to show mercy to others.”  (Source, with slight changes, p. 159 book Confession:  Doorway to Forgiveness, by Jim Forest.  Orbis Books, Maryknoll, NY, 2002.)
Religious community has a role in making safe space for this first step of confession, getting ready for the other steps toward reconciliation.
 
One nuance of the reconciliation process is that forced reconciliation does not work.
For confession to lead to repair and reconciliation, it must be internal and voluntary.
 
To illustrate this, I have brought this piece of 2 cent bubble gum (hold up for them to see)
And
This quarter.
Note that they are equal size.
When I was a little girl, one day my older brother had a piece of two cent bubble gum. I knew that if I could have it, I would enjoy the pink, sweet gooeyness in my mouth and could practice blowing big bubbles.
It being Saturday, I had just received from my mother my weekly allowance of 25 cents.
My brother pointed out that since they are of equal size, it would be an equal exchange if I gave him my quarter. This made sense to me.
I agreed.
He gave me that wonderful sweet piece of bubble gum, which I happily chewed for a good part of the afternoon.
 
When I reported this to my mother, you can imagine what happened.
A forced confession and a forced reconciliation.
He was told to apologize and to give me back the quarter. I was not asked to give back the bubble gum.
We were not reconciled.
No honest change of heart had occurred.
 
Justice is necessary but not sufficient for reconciliation.
Justice is necessary but not sufficient for reconciliation.
 
This same dynamic is described by Dr. Assefa, who I mentioned before--- he has seen horrendous harm in his political work.  He says:  “In some of the catastrophic situations like Rwanda, Yugoslavia, Cambodia or Chile, reconciliation does not mean that the offenders are just pardoned. It means creating a process and an environment where the offenders take the responsibility to acknowledge their offense and get motivated to change the situation and relationship in a positive and durable manner instead of keep denying their guilt until it is proven to them by the juridical process.”
 
One of our UU leaders, Rev. Danielle Di Bona, is of Native American heritage.  She has struggled with anti-racism efforts in our movement, pointing out that healing racism might involve apology, but an apology must be given with awareness, or it might backfire.   At a national UU General Assembly workshop in 2000 in Cleveland, she asked:
“Who is apology really for?
What does it do for the injured party?
Is it to relieve the burden of the person who caused the injury, leaving the injured holding the responsibility of accepting the apology with no commitment to changing the conditions that caused the problem?
The person who apologizes may never know the impact of their actions.” 
 
After the third step of apology,---when done well--- comes a fourth step of a readiness to let go of bitterness.  This raises the question:
Do we see others… as just …their mistakes?
Wendy told me about a study in which school teachers were confidentially told that certain students had special talents.  While this wasn’t necessarily true, these students scored better on tests---perhaps because someone believed in
their power to succeed
instead of their power to fail.
Our community has a role in helping us live up to our potential,
not just relive our mistakes. 
The way that we confess  and the way the community responds, can lead to one or the other. 
 
I want to especially lift up the sixth step which says: “compensate the damage caused to the extent possible.” 
In the opening examples of this sermon, we heard about the child who earned money by baby-sitting and lawn-mowing to pay for a replacement window. 
We heard about a person who paid back an organization after stealing. 
We heard about a veteran who helps people injured in the war. 
And, I have heard of a man who abused his own niece, and many years later agreed to pay for her expenses she was incurring to see a therapist. 
 
Yet, I know that there are some things that are much more difficult to compensate. 
After confessing that one has told a lie, how can one make up the damage? 
If one confesses to having broken a monogamous vow, how can the “harm be compensated”? 
This is much stickier, and yet, I have heard of sincere and creative efforts. 
And, often, one simply has to wait for time to pass while one demonstrates that one is not reoffending.  This is often how the trust is rebuilt.
 
In spring 2011, our congregation’s board adopted two policies to help us be prepared to respond to “disruptive behaviors” and to people with “criminal sex charges.”  These policies are based on a national Unitarian Universalist model called Safe Congregations.  They outline ways for people who have committed offenses to be part of a congregation---often on a very limited basis---while reassuring the congregation that they are safe from reoffense.  Our documents are eleven pages long…single-spaced. 
 
As I read them, I was deeply touched by the care shown to the many possible ways that a person might confess, or not confess, a harm they have caused. 
The many ways that the many unique members of our congregation might be affected.  The need for factual information and for pastoral care. 
Our commitment to dignity and welcome and safety. 
The policies are creative and careful. 
They make space for human frailty and human healing, in an appropriate time and place and within the confines of agreements.   
 
This is where we are called to our highest and deepest spiritual strength. 
This is one of those journeys that, if achieved, can help us know for the rest of our lives, the power of reconciliation. 
That is why it is not to be taken lightly. 
That is why it is worth waiting, a sacred waiting,
allowing each person to move at their own pace---as long as they are moving earnestly.
And while it is true that reconciliation in community might be slower than one-on-one, we have also seen times that the mystery of community allows role modeling and inspiration,
so some people’s heart’s soften faster than they would alone,
and other people’s integrity solidifies faster than it would have alone.
 
What I want to emphasize is that confession occurs in the context of relationship, which is ongoing.  One of our famous theologians of liberal religion, James Luther Adams, has illuminated this by pointing out that there is no such thing as a good individual as such;  there are only good individuals in relationship. 
Here is the good news for us, my friends: 
religious communities are especially equipped not only to resolve conflict, but
to have sustained change to new relationship,
because we believe in the power of grace
and the transforming mystery called love.
……..Now I want to speak for a minute to those of you who are the new members that we recognized today.
I have some bad news for you.
We do not always live up to our vows.
But here’s the good news.
In our congregational covenant, we agree to make it right when we fall short.
So, in that spirit, Wendy is going to lead us in a song
We do come together in community
We do break our vows, maybe a thousand times.
Come, yet again, come.    ***END OF SERMON

“What Does Unitarian Universalism Tell Us About All Souls Day?”
by Alexandra McGee
Oct 31, 2010
Thomas Jefferson Memorial Church, Unitarian Universalist
 
Context: Earlier in this church service, a child/baby dedication celebrated the cycle of life and asked the congregation to commit to helping raise the children in our faith tradition.  Immediately before the sermon, the Worship Associate read an excerpt from Ernest Cassara’s Universalism in America, pp. 137-138.  This excerpt described the deathbed experience of a Universalist minister in 1839.  This sermon was delivered two days before election day.
 
The reason that I asked Elizabeth to read you that account is because it leads us right into the crux of our question this morning:
What does our theology tell us about death and what happens after death?
 
According to the passage, this man found calmness and composure and even joy knowing that his Universalist faith promised him a place in heaven.  We heard how he trusted in streams of mercy.  For according to the Universalist theology of that time, God would bring all souls to be in heaven.
 
This deathbed account was recorded by a minister who wanted to show others the benefits of this belief system.  Consider the context in which he was writing.  The 1840s was a time in US history when many religious groups were preaching and publishing pamphlets to advocate their beliefs.  Some did say that God would judge people at death and send some to hell or purgatory. 
 
To counter this, a Universalist preacher named John Murray is famous for the quote “Give them not hell, but hope and courage.”  In those words, Murray is affirming that  Universalism is a faith that offers something to sustain us, not something that we must fear. 
 
Murray is so important to our heritage that here at TJMC UU, our youth in their religious education classes which we call our UU Stars program—for 1st-5th grades --- will study him during November.
 
This quote from John Murray is so well known that a minister was teasing me recently about it.  At a regional meeting of ministers I was telling someone about my preparation for this sermon.  He looked at me with amusement and disbelief, for taking on the topic of a UU theology about an afterlife…  then he said, “Well….Good luck”  Then he smiled and said “Give ‘em hell!” 
 
As our theology continued to evolve through the 1800s, and eventually into the merger of the Unitarian and Universalist denominations in 1961, a new aspect emerged.  Unitarianism encourages a reasoned search for truth and meaning.  Thus, we find in our UU churches and fellowships today many different beliefs about what happens after death. 
Some say that we simply cannot know what happens after death. 
Some say that we are learning lessons in this life that will play a part in determining our next life time. 
Some say that we can at least know our bodies will be recycled, thus connecting us to Mother Earth.
In our church’s women’s group, the UUpity Women, they recently shared “ghost” stories, including real life experiences. 
And one of our Covenant Groups, which are small groups within our church (and you can still join one), one group recently chose to discuss views of death.  
And, there’s even a joke about a Unitarian who dies and starts on the journey after death.  Eventually, they reach a fork in the road, where there are two signs.  One sign says “To heaven.”  The other sign says “To discussion about heaven.”
 
So, you might notice that our modern UU theology of today does not offer a solid single answer.  But, it does invite us to actively reflect on our beliefs.   Consider the how this is explained by Forrest Church, a Unitarian Universalist theologian who died last year. He wrote,
“One distinction between Unitarian Universalism and the major-scripture driven Western religions, is that we tend to view the world as a school rather than as a corrections facility.” (from A Chosen Faith, pp. 192.) In these words, I think he is saying our current UU theology focuses more on life than on death. 
 
And so I ask, how can we live our lives so that our deaths are good deaths?
 
In addition to my part-time ministry here with this congregation, I also work as a hospice chaplain. This means that I visit in homes with family in the days and weeks before death.  All hospice chaplains are committed to supporting hospice patients and their loved ones in whatever spiritual tradition gives them hope and comfort.  That means that I get to hear many different views on what happens when a person dies.
Some people really fear going to hell. 
Some people really find comfort in knowing that they will go to heaven. 
I have been deeply touched holding the hand of a man who knows that Jesus is waiting to embrace him. 
Some people tell me they don’t know what will happen, but they trust it will be peaceful.  Others tell me that they just expect to be recycled in some way---both body and spirit.  Some people tell me they aren’t scared of what happens after death, but scared of what happens during death. 
One woman told me that she sees her death as a wonderful graduation ceremony. 
 
As I sit with people talking about their upcoming death, I see that no matter what the beliefs of each person, that ultimately, what each of us is looking for is comfort.
 
Most religions have a standard answer and that gives comfort.
In UUism, we often spend a lot of time on reason and on good deeds. 
But I ask you, will these help us when we are dying, or when a loved one is dying?  Reason can only carry us so far. 
Energetic good deeds can only carry us so far.
What gives comfort?
 
What I have seen is that ultimately what gives us comfort is our relationships.
 
Relationship.  Community.  Loved ones.
 
How can we practice this Theology of relationship?
Holding a hand during a time of uncertainty,
listening during a time of despair,
giving food during a time of crisis,
being quiet when no words suffice.
talking to our loved ones about death. 
So that when we reach a point when we are not able to talk anymore, that we have not left anything unsaid.
 
There is a story that when Henry David Thoreau was dying, his aunt, who was very appartently very pious, asked him if he had made peace with God.  The story goes that he replied:  “I did not know we had quarreled.” 
 
My friends, I exhort you to have these conversations. 
Before you die, and before your loved ones die, take the chance to say the things you are proud of, the things you forgive, and how you feel about dying.
 
But I think that is not all that I think our theology tells us when we consider death.  There is a second part to my message this morning.  Let’s go back to the notion that we will give people hope and courage instead of hell.
 
Why have so many religions offered hell as an option after death?  Because hell is the punishment for sin.  Having this incentive not to sin is considered very useful to society.  In fact, the Universalists in the mid-1800s were critiqued for lacking this incentive.  I quote: (see Cassara, p. 133;  footnote citation on p. 280, see Chap 4, note 6)
“It cannot be denied, that the advocates of Universalism are mostly to be found in that class of people which includes The intemperate, the thief, the robber, the profane swearer, the murderer, the corrupt and dissolute, These people are generally pleased with the preaching of Universalists…”
 
So, we really have to ask ourselves, does our Universalist faith keep us from behaving well? 
Does it make us poor citizens of society? 
Does it prevent us from seeing the effects of our behavior?
 
Is having hell actually a useful incentive?
 
Those of you who have children at home may have had them ask you about the things that other children at school talk about.  One of the things that kids might talk about at on the playground, or lunchtime, or on the bus, is what kind of behavior is right, and how you’ll be punished if you do wrong.  They may talk about what is right to believe and where you’ll go (heaven) if you believe right, and where you’ll go (hell) if you believe wrong.  Maybe your kids ask you about heaven and hell.
 
My friends, I ask you this morning, How are we as UUs to help in the raising of our children in this environment? 
 
I suggest that we must take it into our own hands to define what we mean by sin.
 
I believe the definition of sin is when right relationship is broken.
            Anytime that the inherent worth of one person is degraded by another. 
            For example, this might happen in marital relations. 
            It might happen in employment practices. 
            It might happen in immigration policies.
 
Our Unitarian Universalist theology does not have a very well developed concept of sin.  In fact, this problem was lifted up at the recent October 8th anti-racism conference in Richmond, held by our UU region.  We discussed racism as a system, social sin.  Theologian Danielle Dibona says:  “As an association of congregations, we are theologically immature.  This immaturity in our theology shows as a lack of understanding of a concept of sin, and thus a lack of redemption.”  She is talking to us about redemption.  What will redeem us?  What will save us in the face of our sins?
 
I call us to practice right relationship. 
To vigilantly honor each person that we interact with.
To maintain wholeness in every aspect of our church. 
To wisely craft social policies with an eye to everyone who will be affected. 
 
I call us to name when right relationship is broken and to put our energy toward mending broken relationships and restoring wholeness. 
 
When we empower ourselves to name sin on these terms, then we do have a reply to help our kids respond to what they hear about hell.
 
For if we really do believe that we are all going to be together in heaven, we need to start practicing to get along now.
 
In a recently-published book called Sum, by David Eagleman, you can find creative short essays about all the different ways that God might be running heaven.  One tells about a God who invites everyone to heaven… and then She is dismayed… to find that the Republicans and Democrats… still can’t even get along in heaven.
 
"In the end, my friends, our theology tells us that the quality of our relationships in this lifetime is what will redeem us.”
 
Blessed be.  Amen.
 

Come to Your Senses
Sermon written for February 14 2016
Thomas Jefferson Memorial Church Unitarian Universalist
By Rev. Alexandra McGee
The theme of the month was Desire and the day was Valentines Day.
 
This morning I would like to talk about being your whole self---no parts separated or repressed.  I am going to talk about human desire--- the times when it pulls it closer to who you truly are, and when it pulls you away from your center.
 
Today is Valentine’s Day.  The national Unitarian Universalist Association sponsors a is a public advocacy campaign called Standing on the Side of Love that seeks to harness love’s power to stop oppression.  For the 30 Days, from Martin Luther King Day through Valentine’s Day, they have linked with other groups nationwide to have educational events called 30 Days of Love, bringing compassion and courage to bear for immigrant justice, racial justice, and equity for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer persons.
 
This is just one way of claiming Valentine’s Day. 
 
Valentine’s Day can bring up many meanings, many images.  If I were to poll this room, we might hear that people associate Valentine’s Day with romance,
with Hallmark cards,
with candy hearts,
with roses,
with construction paper and white paper doilies and glue. 
We might hear that people experience Valentine’s Day as part of the patriarchal system that makes heterosexual relationships the norm in media. 
We might hear that people associate Valentine’s Day with loneliness, being painfully single, with fighting the romantic myth that we can only be happy when in a partnership.
And,
We might hear that people have been claiming Valentine’s Day as a time to affirm exactly what kind of loving relationship you are in, in your own, creative way. 
 
These mixed messages about Valentine’s Day lift up the complexity of how the sensual and the spiritual and the ethical are interconnected.  And all of those are worth talking about in church.
 
I once heard a retired professor of spirituality from the Mennonite seminary in Harrisonburg speak.  She said,
“Life is messy. 
Life comes into this world with the water breaking. 
Life continues with monthly cycles that involve bleeding. 
Sexual intercourse involves fluids. 
Life is not neat.  The very essence of being creative is messy.”
 
Our Unitarian Universalist Association is committed to educating our youth and all ages about healthy human sexuality in a curriculum called OWL  ---- O.  W.  L.  which stands for Our Whole Lives.  OWL. 
 
OWL is founded on some basic assumptions.  Here they are:
- all persons are sexual
- sexuality is a good part of the human experience
- sexuality includes much more than sexual behavior
- human beings are sexual from the time they are born until they die
- it is natural to express sexual feelings in a variety of ways
- people engage in healthy sexual behavior for many reasons, including to express care and love, to experience intimacy and connection with another, to share pleasure, to bring new life into the world, and to have fun and relax
- sexuality in our society is damaged by violence, exploitation, alienation, dishonesty, abuse of power, and the treatment of persons as objects
Those are the basic assumptions in the curriculum of Our Whole Lives (OWL).
 
One of the classes in OWL makes a useful clarification distinguishing five areas of our sexuality:
One:  Sexualization, which are the media messages and/or violence that occur in society
Second area:  Intimacy, which is about the vulnerability and responsibility of being in relationship
Third area:  Biological sex and gender expression
Fourth area: Sexual and reproductive health
Fifth:  Sensuality, which are the ways humans have pleasure and comfort with their bodies 
 
Sensuality is the areas that I want to talk about today.  Especially when our senses cause us to have desires.  
 
All of human history is full of examples in stories, literature, movies, poetry, of situations where two people’s desires didn’t quite line up.  Even in the best of situations, it can be hard for each person to truly know what they desire, and to act on it in a time and way that lines up with another person’s desire, and that person’s ability to act on it in a time and way that is clear.  So, the bad news here, as you probably know from life experience, is how often desires get us into awkward or painful situations.  The good news here is that it is not the Desire itself that is a problem, --- it is not the Desire itself that is a problem, ---it but the human capacity to kid ourselves, be angry, be anxious, be afraid, that twists things up.  So, my friends, what is holy and whole, is to know ourselves as much as possible, and to honor that as much as possible, and to bring that to another person and honor them.  That is the holy journey of being a fully alive sexual person.  And when things end up in confusion or pain, we have our tools of forgiveness and reconciliation to help us move onward.
 
So let us take an example.  On the cover of your order of service is a poem.  I will read it now.
This is Just to Say
By William Carlos Williams
 
I have eaten
The plums
That were in
the icebox
 
And which
You were probably
Saving
For breakfast
 
Forgive me
They were so delicious
So sweet
So cold
That is by William Carlos Williams, who lived in this country, born in 1885 and died in 1963. 
In the poem, he states that he ate some plums.  His senses of taste and touch were delighted.  In fact, so delighted that he ate them, even though he thought someone else wanted them.  We can presume that this someone else was someone he was close to, because they seem to share a refrigerator, and he knew this person’s breakfast plans.  Furthermore, he knew that he probably needed to apologize, which is why he wrote the words, “forgive me.”  One way to interpret this poem is that his beloved cares so much about his pleasure that they won’t mind not having the plums for breakfast.  Another way to interpret the poem is that he acted on his desires in a way that led to a transgression. 
 
Desires…
Acted on…
Leading to a
…a transgression.
Many decades later, in another part of the country, another poet, Erica-Lynn Gambino, wrote a response.  I will read it to you now.
for William Carlos Williams, in response to This is Just to Say
I have just
asked you to
get out of my
apartment
even though
you never
thought
I would
Forgive me
you were
driving
me insane.
I share this example, because when we act on desires, we may discover that there are consequences greater than we expected.  The choices we make have an effect on other people, and they respond with the boundaries they choose.
 
This example is about the sense of taste and touch.  It can lead us to a wider inquiry of all our of senses. 
 
If I were to ask you what the five senses are, what would you say?
Feel free to indicate with me…
Seeing
Hearing
Tasting
Smelling
Touching
 
These help us perceive the world….taking the external and making it an internal experience.  Isn’t that what happens when you smell a flower?  When you taste food?  When warm water flows on your skin?  When hear a song?  When you see the sky?  We are changed by those sensory experiences.  Now, I acknowledge that I speak in general terms here--- I am well aware that not all of us have five senses, and that our senses increase and decrease at different times in our lives, and sometimes medical conditions cause us to adapt the ways that we savor life.
 
I like to turn to ancient Indian philosophy for insight, and Ancient Indian philosophy has extensive discussion of these senses, and says we need to be able to identify our senses because we humans have a propensity to let our senses run us, instead of using them in service of what we know is healthy.  In other words, our desires get the better of us.  So, a spiritual life is about learning to really see what is going on.  Watching ourselves with enough mindfulness to see when we are acting from a desire that over-indulges our senses at a great cost, and distinguish that from when we are acting from a desire that is about a higher good.  For example, again, the plums in the poem above.  Another example is eating a sweet food, and then going beyond a simple pleasure into over consumption that has health costs.  Another example is when we enjoy the touch of another person, but are not in a relationship in which that touch is healthy.  In all these cases, the sense pleasure is not bad, but if we act without looking at the outcome, it might lead us to cause harm to ourselves or others.
 
But what can we do about it?
Many religious traditions around the world have spiritual practices in which a person takes time out from daily activity ---take a break from walking, talking, working, playing, … all those ways we use our senses to navigate the world.  During this quiet retreat time, they withdraw their senses, in the same way that you might withdraw your hand from a glove.  Look at them.  During this kind of spiritual practice, a person can reconnect to the place inside which is the even keel, the clear guide, where desires can be filtered for the highest good. 
 
For you, that kind of spiritual retreat might be ten minutes on a meditation cushion in your bedroom, or the relaxation time at the end of yoga class, or sitting quietly with your morning coffee, or a “power nap,” or whatever way you find stillness.  I’m talking about a state of calmness in which our minds settle down and our internal physiology changes. 
 
After a time of stillness and withdrawing the senses, a chemical change occurs in our brain, and hence new options open for our Soul, because there is no longer cluttering thoughts and desires clogging the channel between our conscience and our actions: 
 
Then, as you move back out into the world, into relationship, into taste, into speech, into listening, you can do so from the guidance of your heart, and pure desire.  This is good news my friends. 
 
Being your whole self---no parts separated or repressed.  This is when your desires pull you closer to who you truly are.
 
I will close with a suggestion.  Perhaps the poem could be re-written like this:
 
This is Just to Say
 
I saw
the plums
that were in
the icebox
 
So red
So ripe
And I wanted
To eat them.
 
I did not.
I knew
That you
Would enjoy them.
 
I ate one.
I left one for you.
Thank you.
Enjoy.
 
My friends.  We have choices---that moment after we sense something, and before we act.  What is truly good for our relationships and the people around us?
 
END
 
In the photo below, I am sharing a labyrinth walk with two church members - a multi-sensory spiritual practice.